What to do when comfort reading isn’t comforting?

Hello from a long absence.  I wish I’d been buried in a book for the last month or like my beloved Thursday Next trapped in the book world itself.  Instead, Holly and I lost our dad at the beginning of December.  That I won’t go into but to say that he was the absolute best in every way and nothing is going to feel quite right for a long time. He’s half the reason we’re both the readers that we are and absolutely the reason I love fantasy.

So time has passed, even though it feels like everyone should be frozen in grief and I keep finding myself at a loss for what to do with myself.  Immersion in a new book is always my comfort – but I just don’t care.  I don’t want to admit how many hours of Food Network I’ve watched rather than find anything that makes me actually think.   I’ve read some smutty romances but even those are kind of meh.

I’m afraid to pick up a book that I want to love because I don’t want my whole mood to color the experience. Babycakes has actually found a new series WORSE than the Rainbow Fairies – it involves Royal Ponies.  Maybe I’ll read with her so I can get my hate reading out and move on to something of my own…

I think I started out wanting to ask for a magic book that would make me feel better and lighter and ready to read anything I want and think about anything without being sad.  Too bad I know there’s no such thing.    So instead I’ll just say that we’ll be back eventually.

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15 Comments

  1. Maybe just watch Amelie? I wish I had some better choices for you. So sorry for your loss Amanda. I know what you are going through. It was hard for me to start The Last True Love Story by Kiely about Alzheimer’s. Major Pettigrew’s last Stand might be what could help about a curmudgeon who expands his worldview with an unexpected friendship/love affair. I will keep thinkinf in the matter.

  2. I’m so sorry for the loss of your father, Amanda. Love and support from my family to yours. I tend to binge re-watch shows for comfort when I’ve had big losses. I’m not as attached to tv shows, and re-watching doesn’t ruin them for me as much as a new show would.

  3. Oh, no. Oh, Amanda, I am so, so, so sorry to hear this. I can’t imagine what y’all must be going through, but I will send a bajillion prayers and good thoughts your way. I’m sorry that you haven’t been able to find a refuge in reading, and I hope that books can start being an escape or a source of comfort to you soon. Hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs to you and Holly.

  4. Oh man -I’m so sorry to hear this and I hope you both are healing as best you can. And now I understand why the Anna Quindlen quote I shared on Twitter resonated with you.
    And – I went through something pretty bad when I was in college and Food Network was my saving grace. I fell asleep to it every night for a year. I’d also recommend A Chef’s Life with Vivian Howard on Sunday nights on PBS – there’s something so soothing about her.

  5. I’m so sorry, Amanda and Holly 😦 I totally understand what you mean about not wanting to overshadow what could have been a different read with your mood. I think the Food Network sounds like a totally reasonable solution, but I also know what it feels like to *want* to read and not be able to. I hope you find the right path to books, even if it means some reading with the babe.

  6. I’m sorry to hear about your loss! It’s so hard to deal with a loss like this one, but eventually, you’ll be able to read again, and at some point, a book will remind you of your dad and that will bring you comfort, rather than sorrow. May I recommend the Owl Diaries series to Babycakes? They are a big hit in my house, and as of right now, I have not come across any royal baggage.

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